Wedding Nightmare

I have been back in the States for five days. I’m doing pretty well with my separation from Canim, although it does hurt to think that I have more than 50 days to go until I see him again.

Last night, I had a wedding nightmare for the first time in about 3 months (I’ve been engaged for 5 months). I dreamed that we were at our NY wedding, but I was wearing a hideous blue strapless gown because everyone told me I had to wear it as my “something blue”. The wedding was poorly organized, guests were bored, everyone was more interested in their phones, and Canim hid from sight because he was so uncomfortable. When I found him, we literally ran away. We ran right past the pit bulls (why the HECK were there pit bulls at my wedding???).

I woke up with an eye twitch, and 12 hours later, it is still twitching. I am under quite a bit of stress right now, and I’m definitely having a whole lot of feelings to deal with. I am not in the mood.

I’ve tried to immerse myself in wedding planning to get myself excited about having two weddings, when in reality, as you already know, I am Anti-Bride and I just can’t get excited about anything other than spending the rest of my life with Canim. Floral arrangements and mason jars do nothing for me. I’ve made an honest effort, but I am just not really Pinterested.

I’ve stumbled upon this little gem, known as the “Bride’s Manifesto”. It really does soothe me to read it, although people may not want me to read it too often, lest I go ahead and break every wedding rule and, you know, stay true to myself and my ideas for a dream wedding. I feel like I am planning a wedding (or two) for other people, when really, I just want the marriage certificate and that’s it. That’s it!

Canim has tried to ease my stress from thousands of miles away, bless his heart. It’s nice to be with someone who truly believes that no matter what, everything will be okay. I already know what I’m going to do after I finish this post. I’m going to watch the Sex and the City movie for no reason other than to see last 5 minutes of the movie. I know it’s not real, and I know I am not Carrie Bradshaw, but man, those last 5 minutes make me SO HAPPY. Whatever it takes, right?



The Silver Lining, or Her İşte Bir Hayır Vardır

It’s been almost one week since I learned the wedding of my dreams (that is, the wedding I managed to dream after conceding that I will never actually be able to elope) would not be possible. If you don’t feel like scrolling down and learning why we have to reassess the situation, it’s because Venue 1 (a restaurant) has very shady people organizing their events and Canim and I refuse to give them another lira, let alone the extra 2,000 lira their “changes” were going to cost us.

Since that disappointment, we have checked out a 5-star hotel (Venue 2) where Canim’s friend is the accounting manager. Long story short, she is helping us to plan a wedding that will be even more dreamlike than the one I had planned at Venue 1.

I felt relieved after meeting with her, and while Canim was driving me home, he taught me a new Turkish proverb: “Her işte bir hayır vardır.”

Okay, I don’t know what the exact translation is, but in a nutshell, it means every cloud has its silver lining. For every “no”, there is a “yes” nearby. That sort of thing.

The next day, I arrived at work and my co-worker asked me if I planned to attend our company’s summer kick-off party. I told him my department hadn’t received any email from the head boss, so he gave me the details. The party is going to be held next Tuesday, AT VENUE 1!!!!!!!!!! In typical dramatic YabanciBride fashion, I gasped, clutched my chest and said,”Mike – it can’t be THERE! That’s the place where I was going to have my wedding! Now I have to go BACK there? WITH CANIM?!” I won’t lie, it took about an hour for me to stop being so genuinely ticked off. How can my office coordinate an event with those people? And to think of all the MONEY they gave them!!!!

Then it hit me – the silver lining. The “her işte bir hayır vardır“. I have been in the dining room of Venue 1 while weddings were in progress. The decorations are standard for weddings, give or take a candelabra or two. No doubt, the menus are too. So, if I were to have my wedding there, almost half of the guests (my co-workers) would have a “been there, kinda done that” experience. It would be awkward. A little embarrassing, even.

And besides, what is a little restaurant when compared to our Venue 2?

Canim agreed to attend the event with me, but has plans to speak with the manager to let him know how unprofessional his event planners are. Fine by me! Remember that scene in Pretty Woman when the snobby salesgirls wouldn’t help Julia Roberts because she was dressed like a hooker, but then she goes back a few days later dressed like a debutante and she gets the last laugh? That’s me right now.

Big mistake, Venue 1. Big. Huge!

Anti-Bride and Super Fiancé Face a New Challenge

I’ll cut to the chase: Canim and I are looking for a new wedding venue.

In February, Venue 1 “penciled us in” for our January 2015 wedding. I told Canim – twice, once as recently as last week – that it’s a bad sign that they literally used pencil, meaning no ink, to write the most important day of our lives on their calendar.

I understand that trying to book a wedding more than 6 months in advance is unheard of in Turkey. This is not a planning culture. This is an inşallah culture. I am not mocking God’s will, certainly not, but this culture takes the fatalistic, future’s-already-been-decided thing to a whole notha level.

Still, fate and destiny aside, money trumps most things. We expected them to warmly accept our money when we said,”We are going to make a 1,000 TL deposit today to secure our date.”

Nope. We were given the runaround several times, always being told we needed to talk to someone else, who was always conveniently unavailable. Today, we met with Someone Else’s assistant. I disliked her immediately. She was far too smirky and I could tell her tone was condescending when she spoke to Canim. He made little to no effort to translate, and he later revealed he didn’t translate because he knew I’d get angry.

It seems there have been “some changes” in their system. The menu we wanted? Gone. The DJ? No longer part of the package. We have to use their DJ and pay his price. End of message, no haggling. Photographer? Originally not included in the package, we were free to find our own. Now, we HAVE to use theirs and ditch the one we found. End of message, no haggling.

You may have already realized that in almost every situation, Canim is nicer than I am. That hasn’t changed. I grabbed my purse and showed myself out of the office. I put my sunglasses on and waited for him to emerge from the office with Smirky. I heard him explaining I was little upset because of their [COMPLETELY BOGUS] switcheroo. He exchanged pleasantries and we left. I did my best not to flip tables or the bird, for that matter.

I cried for a few minutes, but Super Fiancé assured me that we have nothing to worry about. He has a connection at a new 5-star hotel that will give us the same services for a better price. We will check it out tomorrow.

After that, we went downtown to shop for gold. My in-laws gave Canim an embarrassing sum to go out and buy gold jewelry of my choice for the wedding. I fell in love with the first set I found, but we looked at about a dozen other stores before coming back and buying the first set. We also bought two gold bangles, because apparently it’s of the utmost importance for the groom’s parents to give the bride gold bangles. I say “embarrassing” because they have already done so much for me and they have given me so much (including their first born), it humbles me that they feel the need to give me more. I’m not gonna knock that part of Turkish culture.

While Canim called his mother to confirm that the gold had been purchased, the store owner gave me some sticky ice cream (which I LURVE) with some kadayif, which were both on point. I sat there and realized how ridiculously blessed I am. Sure, I don’t have a venue for my wedding and there are only 7 months to go. But I’ve got a Super Fiancé (or should I say Süper Fiancé) by my side to make sure that even when things go wrong, everything is still alright.

Here’s a sneak peek of the bling. I am trying to keep the whole set as a surprise for the wedding day, whenever and wherever that may actually be. 🙂