I have been back in the States for five days. I’m doing pretty well with my separation from Canim, although it does hurt to think that I have more than 50 days to go until I see him again.
Last night, I had a wedding nightmare for the first time in about 3 months (I’ve been engaged for 5 months). I dreamed that we were at our NY wedding, but I was wearing a hideous blue strapless gown because everyone told me I had to wear it as my “something blue”. The wedding was poorly organized, guests were bored, everyone was more interested in their phones, and Canim hid from sight because he was so uncomfortable. When I found him, we literally ran away. We ran right past the pit bulls (why the HECK were there pit bulls at my wedding???).
I woke up with an eye twitch, and 12 hours later, it is still twitching. I am under quite a bit of stress right now, and I’m definitely having a whole lot of feelings to deal with. I am not in the mood.
I’ve tried to immerse myself in wedding planning to get myself excited about having two weddings, when in reality, as you already know, I am Anti-Bride and I just can’t get excited about anything other than spending the rest of my life with Canim. Floral arrangements and mason jars do nothing for me. I’ve made an honest effort, but I am just not really Pinterested.
I’ve stumbled upon this little gem, known as the “Bride’s Manifesto”. It really does soothe me to read it, although people may not want me to read it too often, lest I go ahead and break every wedding rule and, you know, stay true to myself and my ideas for a dream wedding. I feel like I am planning a wedding (or two) for other people, when really, I just want the marriage certificate and that’s it. That’s it!
Canim has tried to ease my stress from thousands of miles away, bless his heart. It’s nice to be with someone who truly believes that no matter what, everything will be okay. I already know what I’m going to do after I finish this post. I’m going to watch the Sex and the City movie for no reason other than to see last 5 minutes of the movie. I know it’s not real, and I know I am not Carrie Bradshaw, but man, those last 5 minutes make me SO HAPPY. Whatever it takes, right?