A Tale of Two Swatches

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It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. 

My watch is the reason I am unhappy with the color of my hair.

You read that correctly. I have two Swatches and two hairdressers named Orhan, and my hair is just a big ol’ mess because of all four of those things/people.

In June, I went to Orhan #1 for a routine updo for a work-related event. I’ve known Orhan #1 longer than I’ve known my husband. In fact, I went to him the day I went on my first date with my husband. He’s seen me in some pretty desperate beauty situations, but he’s always managed to help me pull myself together. He’s always made me look good and no one, I mean no one in all of Turkey can do a blowout like he does (AND FOR ONLY 5 LIRA! That’s less than a cup of Starbucks coffee).

But, talented though he may be, he’s a shady character and I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him (which would actually be pretty far because he’s a tiny man and I am also pretty sure he stays so thin by using drugs, but that’s none of my business).

ANYWAY. On that fateful day, I came to the salon wearing my usual silver/white gold standard jewelry pieces. For the party, I was planning to wear gold, so when I got dressed (at the salon) after I was all dolled up, I removed Swatch #1 (my first Christmas present from Canim), because as you can see, it is silver.

Two or three days after the party, I realized my watch had gone missing. I searched every crevice of my apartment and Canim’s car, to no avail. I realized (with a twinge of horror) that I had left it at the salon. I wanted to believe that Orhan or his employees had found it and put it in a safe place, waiting for me to return. But when Canim called him (several times), he said he hadn’t seen any watches.

CUT TO: Late August, when I returned to Turkey from New York. My precious husband surprised me with a new, identical Swatch surrounded by roses. I mean really, I don’t know how I got so lucky!

A few days later, I received a message from Orhan #1. It was a picture of – you guessed it! – Swatch #1. He said someone found it while cleaning the salon. My first thought was, “You mean you haven’t cleaned the salon in two months??”

Canim said he probably had the watch the whole time, but held on to it in case I didn’t return to Turkey. When he saw that I had returned (we’re Facebook friends), he decided to let me know he had the watch so I would go back. I really don’t want to believe that theory, especially because O does not need to be sneaky to get me to go back. I like the way he does my hair! That’s enough for me!

So, as “revenge”, when I got married a few days later, I went to the salon and got my hair and makeup done. I lied about where I was going (“a friend’s wedding”), and left the salon in a hurry to go get hitched. Two days later, (thanks again to Facebook), Orhan saw his work of art all over my wedding announcement. I only paid 1/3 of the price for the bridal package. Well, to be fair, I didn’t have a real wedding and the price is completely bogus anyway.

I haven’t gone back to his salon since. It’s been 3 months, and hair can get really jacked up in 3 months without proper care.

Since August, I’ve bounced back and forth between some salons in my town, but they suck. Plain and simple. And they charge more. I decided to be brave and let Orhan #2 (who may in fact be a Neanderthal) dye my hair. I figured dark brown is the EASIEST thing to do, aside from black. I brought pictures AND my live-in translator to explain it to them.

Tell me why I ended up with that horrendous BLEACHY CHLORINE GREEN color?!!? So after a very calm, firm, “Bu renk istemiyorum. Kahverengi istiyorum. Sari, yesil istemiyorum. Bu renk cok buyuk bir problem,” and a call to my husband, they managed to get it right. Mind you, Orhan #2 was blowing my green hair out like it was nothing, chomping is gum like a cow, and when I called him out on it, he laughed and said,”This is a problem?”
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That was two weeks ago, and my old blonde (but not green) color is already creeping back in and I made the mistake of wrapping my hair in a white towel after washing it. Let’s just say I found out where the reddish-brown dye has gone.

My second wedding is in less than 50 days. I need to get this color right once and for all. So what do I do? Swallow my pride, even though I was wronged first, and go back to Orhan #1? Do I try to find a third party to do it?

I don’t know what to do. 😦

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